Friday, March 26, 2010

Defect Junkie

So I got one year of sobriety on March 22. Yay I had my doubts in the beginning, but worked hard to get this milestone.
I began at 11 with cigs, 13 with booze and pot, 14 meth, 15 IV heroin and meth and even some LSD that tripped me out so bad I hated it, but still took it from time to time in hopes it would be different. Is than not the great hope of every addict? To use in moderation and control every aspect of our lives? The opposite happened for me. My life rapidly swirled out of control. I got strung out on coke and crack at 16. Got expelled and sent to a school for criminal children per request from my PO. All this time I am a daily heroin/meth addict, heavy pot smoker and drinking allot, but drugs were my thing. I liked tripping on mushrooms and popping pain pills and benzos.
I was a trash can. my arms were covered in track marks, eyes sunken with dark circles. my skin was pail and my body looked like a skeleton with skin stretched over it.
Man days spent in JDH taught me allot. I learned how to be a better criminal and how to cut myself to elevate pain. I loved the feeling of self harm.