Anyway thats all I got to say on that. It was just a random feeling that has had be captive so i felt compelled to write about it. First love. *cye* I'm one in a million still thinking about that guy...lol my mind is a trip of a thing, no?
Showing posts with label Addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Addiction. Show all posts
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Teenage Junkie LOVE
Anyway thats all I got to say on that. It was just a random feeling that has had be captive so i felt compelled to write about it. First love. *cye* I'm one in a million still thinking about that guy...lol my mind is a trip of a thing, no?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
And on she goes
Life went on without much meaning until I was arrested on a warrant and booked in Marion County Jail. The date was October 17 2001 and I was 22 years old. That would be the last day I wold ever do a fix of heroin and the last day I would ever see my then husband.
Detox was hell on earth and I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to please not let me ever use heroin again. I did not want to go through the detox process again. on the 5th day of my incarceration I was taken to Douglas county jail where my warrant was. On my transfer papers i noticed the date October 22, 2001. Nikki had been dead a year to this date.
I felt a chill go through me and was not all dew to the detox.
I was whisked away to Roseburg Oregon where I would find God and get baptised in a big metal trough. The series of events that followed were nothing short of extraordinary. Like I said I never again used the drug that was certain to take my life if I continued. The haunting memory of the detox that nearly killed me at 19 flooded my dreams. I nearly died from dehydration as i dry heaved convulsions shook my 98lb body. The doctor at the hospital told my parents my liver was in the process of shutting down along with my kidneys and other organs.
After finding God in a Jail Cell I vowed to change my life once released. I would separate from my husband and move into my parents home. Go to church every week and read Gods word daily.
I was released after 60 days and I had my health back and light had returned to my eyes where there once was none. I moved in with my parents as planned and everything was going wonderful until i got that phone call. It was James my husband and he told me of a friend of ours who had gotten out of prison. James said there was a place for us and lots of money. He also said there was plenty of heroin and my addict won over and my once strong will to survive departed my being.
Breaking the news to my parents was the hardest. they cried and i too cried. they drove me to the bus station where we exchanged hugs and more tears. My dad said I was always welcome home but somehow he knew this would be the last time he would see me alive once i made this final trip to Salem. It is so crazy how the addicts mind works let me tell ya. I put them through so much and I am nothing short of 100% aware that I put them both through hell. I was selfish, self absorbed without taking into consideration what they must felt seeing me descend into the disease that nearly took my life.
Anyhow I will write more soon. sorry this is taking so long to get out. My life a huge mes. or at least the past is. I feel like I should get it out there so my readers know who i am and i can get a better idea who i could have been had I gotten educated and perhaps learned how to spell.
I love to write. it is a passion of mine. I hope to someday get a book out once i get into some good classes at the college. I think i may major in nursing...well time for another kind of post. something less heavy...
Detox was hell on earth and I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to please not let me ever use heroin again. I did not want to go through the detox process again. on the 5th day of my incarceration I was taken to Douglas county jail where my warrant was. On my transfer papers i noticed the date October 22, 2001. Nikki had been dead a year to this date.
I felt a chill go through me and was not all dew to the detox.
I was whisked away to Roseburg Oregon where I would find God and get baptised in a big metal trough. The series of events that followed were nothing short of extraordinary. Like I said I never again used the drug that was certain to take my life if I continued. The haunting memory of the detox that nearly killed me at 19 flooded my dreams. I nearly died from dehydration as i dry heaved convulsions shook my 98lb body. The doctor at the hospital told my parents my liver was in the process of shutting down along with my kidneys and other organs.
After finding God in a Jail Cell I vowed to change my life once released. I would separate from my husband and move into my parents home. Go to church every week and read Gods word daily.
I was released after 60 days and I had my health back and light had returned to my eyes where there once was none. I moved in with my parents as planned and everything was going wonderful until i got that phone call. It was James my husband and he told me of a friend of ours who had gotten out of prison. James said there was a place for us and lots of money. He also said there was plenty of heroin and my addict won over and my once strong will to survive departed my being.
Breaking the news to my parents was the hardest. they cried and i too cried. they drove me to the bus station where we exchanged hugs and more tears. My dad said I was always welcome home but somehow he knew this would be the last time he would see me alive once i made this final trip to Salem. It is so crazy how the addicts mind works let me tell ya. I put them through so much and I am nothing short of 100% aware that I put them both through hell. I was selfish, self absorbed without taking into consideration what they must felt seeing me descend into the disease that nearly took my life.
Anyhow I will write more soon. sorry this is taking so long to get out. My life a huge mes. or at least the past is. I feel like I should get it out there so my readers know who i am and i can get a better idea who i could have been had I gotten educated and perhaps learned how to spell.
I love to write. it is a passion of mine. I hope to someday get a book out once i get into some good classes at the college. I think i may major in nursing...well time for another kind of post. something less heavy...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
A new start
Well my husband and I are sitting here attempting to figure out who we trust to help us move all our stuff. We have to move an entire house of stuff today and as we sift through phone numbers we probly should have sifted through days ago we keep running into problems.
One guy, he's great, but alas he is on the run from the law and we would not want to be connected with that. Last time he helped us move his abilitys were wonderful and he was sober, not running from his PO and his ability to know just how to do everything right helped us out allot! It is too bad this disease grabbed him back up.
It's hard when your in early recovery (9 months) and your old friends are off limits and your new ones are a bit iffey because you dont exactly know the backrounds of everyone you meet at an AA meeting!!
Our sponsors both work at the local prisons and have 30 years between the two of them. I have known them both personally for over 10 years.
I don't see my husband and I being able to do this well on our own dew to my lower back problems and the way we bicker under pressure. We need man power.
There is a lovely young man we will call Ray at the local recovery house. He was a certified foster parent with a weed problem who wandered into the rooms sick of having his head in the clouds and stealing change from his son. AA has done amazing things for him as he is a fine man today and walked into the club with an armload of presents for the children of the parents that frequent the club for meetings.
We have talked with him briefly about the move, but we dont know if he is a licenced driver and weather or not dh will even let him drive our nice FordFi50!
Well on another note I am begining a new chapter of my life today moving into a new home we actualy own! It is amazing to see what a little soberity dose for a couple of formar drunks/addicts like us. We have it in us to make it and I am so happy to say those people in the meetings encourageing me every step of the way was the turning point for us! Them like dh and I suffer from an incureable disease called addiction, but they have a solution to the problem and I have chosen to go with it!
Well, here I go God! Thanks for the second chance!
One guy, he's great, but alas he is on the run from the law and we would not want to be connected with that. Last time he helped us move his abilitys were wonderful and he was sober, not running from his PO and his ability to know just how to do everything right helped us out allot! It is too bad this disease grabbed him back up.
It's hard when your in early recovery (9 months) and your old friends are off limits and your new ones are a bit iffey because you dont exactly know the backrounds of everyone you meet at an AA meeting!!
Our sponsors both work at the local prisons and have 30 years between the two of them. I have known them both personally for over 10 years.
I don't see my husband and I being able to do this well on our own dew to my lower back problems and the way we bicker under pressure. We need man power.
There is a lovely young man we will call Ray at the local recovery house. He was a certified foster parent with a weed problem who wandered into the rooms sick of having his head in the clouds and stealing change from his son. AA has done amazing things for him as he is a fine man today and walked into the club with an armload of presents for the children of the parents that frequent the club for meetings.
We have talked with him briefly about the move, but we dont know if he is a licenced driver and weather or not dh will even let him drive our nice FordFi50!
Well on another note I am begining a new chapter of my life today moving into a new home we actualy own! It is amazing to see what a little soberity dose for a couple of formar drunks/addicts like us. We have it in us to make it and I am so happy to say those people in the meetings encourageing me every step of the way was the turning point for us! Them like dh and I suffer from an incureable disease called addiction, but they have a solution to the problem and I have chosen to go with it!
Well, here I go God! Thanks for the second chance!
Monday, December 7, 2009
My mom, my life and Things Remembered *GIVEAWAY*
Let me tell you about my mother Carol. She is an amazing woman and for years when i had my head in the bag she stiid by me loving me, yet not inableing me. Encourageing me and never doubting that one day her little girl would surender to this disease I like to call Addiction.
She fought it by by side in her own way by raiding parties in surrounding neighbourhoods demanding to whoever answered the door to tell her of the whereabouts of her teenage daughter or the police would arive in no time. She tried , yet i resisted and scailed the back fence breaking into a run as soon as my feet hit the ground.
Later..years later when I was living the life one addicted from youth lives. on coutches and homeless shelters. She never doubted that I would pull out of it. I know from her telling me she stayed up many nights praying for my saftey and protection and let me tell you my mother is not a religious woman, but a mother in fear of her babies life. Can you imagine knowing your little girl is at the mercy of those streets? I can and I am ashaimed I did the things i did. To her.
All the times she and my dad showed up to court in hopes they would lock me up for a really long time so they could sleep at night only to see the juvinal system harden and school me in Criminal Lifestyle 101. Then came the County, where I was hardened by the system as a young adult.
Mt mom was glad when I had my babies Steven now 6 and Angel now 2..I would love to tell you that the birth of my oldest child got me sober and I never looked back, but thats simply not true. I proceded to drink and use well into my 20's and Im now 30 and finally am coming up on a year in March 2010 God Willing!
I want you to know sometimes being a mom is harder than it looks because in reality there are a ton of temptations for our children and they are not getting any less with age.
I love my mom and I have entered the following giveaway in hopes if winning her this bracelet!
.html">http://www.babylovingmama.com/2009/12/things-remembered-custom-couture-collection-holiday-splurge-review-giveaway-18.html
.html">http://www.babylovingmama.com/2009/12/things-remembered-custom-couture-collection-holiday-splurge-review-giveaway-18.html
from
the varity of things on the site is wonderful and they even have gifts for other members of your family and lots of stuff is marked down! I love the snow globs and family tree picture fraims!
She fought it by by side in her own way by raiding parties in surrounding neighbourhoods demanding to whoever answered the door to tell her of the whereabouts of her teenage daughter or the police would arive in no time. She tried , yet i resisted and scailed the back fence breaking into a run as soon as my feet hit the ground.
Later..years later when I was living the life one addicted from youth lives. on coutches and homeless shelters. She never doubted that I would pull out of it. I know from her telling me she stayed up many nights praying for my saftey and protection and let me tell you my mother is not a religious woman, but a mother in fear of her babies life. Can you imagine knowing your little girl is at the mercy of those streets? I can and I am ashaimed I did the things i did. To her.
All the times she and my dad showed up to court in hopes they would lock me up for a really long time so they could sleep at night only to see the juvinal system harden and school me in Criminal Lifestyle 101. Then came the County, where I was hardened by the system as a young adult.
Mt mom was glad when I had my babies Steven now 6 and Angel now 2..I would love to tell you that the birth of my oldest child got me sober and I never looked back, but thats simply not true. I proceded to drink and use well into my 20's and Im now 30 and finally am coming up on a year in March 2010 God Willing!
I want you to know sometimes being a mom is harder than it looks because in reality there are a ton of temptations for our children and they are not getting any less with age.
I love my mom and I have entered the following giveaway in hopes if winning her this bracelet!
.html">http://www.babylovingmama.com/2009/12/things-remembered-custom-couture-collection-holiday-splurge-review-giveaway-18.html
.html">http://www.babylovingmama.com/2009/12/things-remembered-custom-couture-collection-holiday-splurge-review-giveaway-18.html
from
the varity of things on the site is wonderful and they even have gifts for other members of your family and lots of stuff is marked down! I love the snow globs and family tree picture fraims!
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