Thursday, May 20, 2010

And on she goes

Life went on without much meaning until I was arrested on a warrant and booked in Marion County Jail. The date was October 17 2001 and I was 22 years old. That would be the last day I wold ever do a fix of heroin and the last day I would ever see my then husband.
Detox was hell on earth and I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to please not let me ever use heroin again. I did not want to go through the detox process again. on the 5th day of my incarceration I was taken to Douglas county jail where my warrant was. On my transfer papers i noticed the date October 22, 2001. Nikki had been dead a year to this date.
I felt a chill go through me and was not all dew to the detox.
I was whisked away to Roseburg Oregon where I would find God and get baptised in a big metal trough. The series of events that followed were nothing short of extraordinary. Like I said I never again used the drug that was certain to take my life if I continued. The haunting memory of the detox that nearly killed me at 19 flooded my dreams. I nearly died from dehydration as i dry heaved convulsions shook my 98lb body. The doctor at the hospital told my parents my liver was in the process of shutting down along with my kidneys and other organs.
After finding God in a Jail Cell I vowed to change my life once released. I would separate from my husband and move into my parents home. Go to church every week and read Gods word daily.
I was released after 60 days and I had my health back and light had returned to my eyes where there once was none. I moved in with my parents as planned and everything was going wonderful until i got that phone call. It was James my husband and he told me of a friend of ours who had gotten out of prison. James said there was a place for us and lots of money. He also said there was plenty of heroin and my addict won over and my once strong will to survive departed my being.
Breaking the news to my parents was the hardest. they cried and i too cried. they drove me to the bus station where we exchanged hugs and more tears. My dad said I was always welcome home but somehow he knew this would be the last time he would see me alive once i made this final trip to Salem. It is so crazy how the addicts mind works let me tell ya. I put them through so much and I am nothing short of 100% aware that I put them both through hell. I was selfish, self absorbed without taking into consideration what they must felt seeing me descend into the disease that nearly took my life.
Anyhow I will write more soon. sorry this is taking so long to get out. My life a huge mes. or at least the past is. I feel like I should get it out there so my readers know who i am and i can get a better idea who i could have been had I gotten educated and perhaps learned how to spell.
I love to write. it is a passion of mine. I hope to someday get a book out once i get into some good classes at the college. I think i may major in nursing...well time for another kind of post. something less heavy...

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