Saturday, November 13, 2010

Lately I've been hard to reach....

We are getting ready for the holidays the best we can here on the Oregon Coast. Such a shame we don't get snow here.  I am forced to get my snow fix from farmville and varrious winter photos sent to my facebook. I miss the ice cold weather where you have to bundle up and enjoy sipping watm drinks by the fire place.
     One thing I worry about during the holidays is cash. It seems like we never have enough. We are a small family of 2 adults and a toddler yet the way food and laundry soap gets used up around here you would think an entire dorm of teens lived here!
I have taken to entering a ton of giveaways all around blogisphere...last year this helped me a TON and my kids were able to have a nice Christmas. This may mean I must blog again because I refuse to place a button on my blog and have no new reading material up.
The things I say on here can be so far out it can even offend some, but I'll be real with you.
I am a gen X mom and an addict at that. I have quit all drugs, but i struggle with alcohol. I smoke marijuana for pain and I am legal to do so.  My husband and I have our ups and downs yet in the end we all come out better people.
I am passionate about helping others especially my friends. This has gotten me in a great deal of trouble including relapse on alcohol.
I will close with this. God has never given more to me than I can handle. Every trial has made me a better, stronger more grateful person.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Teenage Junkie LOVE

I can remembering being in love for the first time. How could anyone forget that? This guy was my modern day prince charming and every moment with him was filled with lust and passion. mix the drugs we did and who knows what I was feeling, but I know today I feel like a fat slug totally unmotivated. This guy...we will call him Dave, ironic enough..Well, here I was this little goth strung out on meth 17 years old and a virgin at that. I was soft spoken at times.. other times I just seemed to get out there.  I was an unpredictable mothers worst nightmare. Dave was my world. We got high together, went out at night together just playing in the streets of Salem Oregon We got to know one another inside out. I shared pieces of my heart with this guy and he had my heart in his hands..looking into his ocean blue eyes was intoxicating.... The feeling is still so close as I recall those warm summer nights that turned into days as the methanphanamine took us all over the city and in the end....we all just sort of drifted apart. I know I got hooked on heroin, Nikki died of an overdose. I emailed lover boy Dave the other day and he is on probation. on medical marijuana and a full time college student. He is still undeniably sexy with eyes as blue as the sea and a sexy little gap in his trademark smile...He has filled out well now that hes not tweaking and I have to say I too have filled out in a much more unflattering manner....
Anyway thats all I got to say on that. It was just a random feeling that has had be captive so i felt compelled to write about it. First love. *cye* I'm one in a million still thinking about that my mind is a trip of a thing, no?

Sunday, August 1, 2010


I remember frolicking in the meadow with my rot mix dog named Tippy.  The valley was warm and it turned the once green pastures littered with wild flowers brown and sparse of any life. Burrs stuck to my worn out shoes and dirt made its way even between my nails......I would walk around in the woods surrounding our property always looking for a new journey or experience. I just loved to be out in nature.
20 years later and I have lost sight as to what holds true to me. I haven't been out in nature for so long i forgot what what it feels like to have legs that can scurry up an oak tree or even the feeling of reaching the top of one of those huge ass poplar trees. Risks I took. Direction- not so much.
I suppose that is exactly why i became an addict. lol who knows because I sure don't. 
I just know this. I'm blessed today. I have been hearing in the news of all this panic and war, sickness. Its bad. I hear it. Here I have such a happy, healthy three year old daughter who looks just like her older brother. 
Ultimately I will live life to the fullest never denying my children a moment of joy. I will be forever grateful to a loving God for whom without I would face certain death. Heck, id been dead years ago...

Saturday, July 31, 2010

At Home Microdermabration Giveaway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I doubt anyone truly knows what a skincare junkie I am. There was a time in my life where I have sold Mary Kay and Avon. I have a variety of lotions and potions that I use on a regular basis to prevent ageing. I am 30 now and I still think prevention is the best solution to ageing and I'm not about to shell out dollars to the derm unless its health related. I wish I was in a position to where I could afford one, but I'm not.
I was glad to see some giveaways that were offering a great alternative to microdermabration normally done by appt only. Over at the Beauty and Personal Grooming blog they are offering a Personal Microderm System you use from your own home with a ton of Science to back it up. I would love to win the system myself because of the glow I have had after using other microdermabration systems on my skin. I think everyone should micro derm there faces simply because the face is the first thing people see and In the professional world looks can go a long way. Sad but true.
There are a few other blogs offering this lovely product up for grabs and I will list them for you ongoing!
as of now here are all the blogs offering this amazing giveaway;
Beauty and Personal Grooming
Jolly Mom


Friday, July 30, 2010

Fall will be here before we know it!

my daughter is not yet potty trained and fall is fast approaching along with it comes Head Start and AWANAS for my daughter . Head Start is like a little preschool funded by the state. It is well known for  family involvement and support and AWANAS is a faith based program for kids of all ages. I have a personal love for this little club  because I myself was exposed to AWANAS as a girl. I later spent some time as a "Sparks" leader. I think those who teach children about God get special blessings in heaven!
Eny way...i have to potty train her before i send her to these programs. I mean, at this age these teachers don't want to change my kids diaper. I mean shes 3. I suppose you would call her a kid now that she pretty much talks. ug. i know I'm not the first mom to battle the "summer before school" potty training. I have till
ideas wanted and comments welcome...

Thursday, July 29, 2010


I speak little on my teenage years as you would cringe at what I must've put my dear mother through. I'm serous. i was that once fresh faced and Innocent brown eyed girl every mother dreams of. I volunteered in the local library and was an avid reader. One summer I did a complete change. I died my hair black and promptly began shooting tar heroin at 15!
I had this drive to do something big time be it criminal or not. Self destructive would be more like it. I still lack the ability to recall just what my thinking was like. I do however remember several weeks or even months i completely lost. Its a mess in my head now. I guess garbage in garbage out. you are what you hold highest. I will say this. There were happy days in there. Then again...there were some of my darkest days brought on by heroin. Losing Nikki to the drug was a real eye opener. there will always be this void of her in me. We were known as the "dark sisters" because heroin is black and like the whole town know. Even my boss, but she spoke of nothing to me.
So I have this precious little 3 year old daughter and I see so much of her in my its amazing. my strong will and drive is there in full force. Lets see if I have what it takes to teach her the ropes in this world. I want to be here for her. My God I love and want the best for her.
Well that's it for now...Got to cook the fam dinner :P

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Our Road Trip

It is going to be time for a nap soon. I have been home from out little road trip still catching up with phone calls and emails. I wanted to say a little on how our trip went as far as children were concerned because we all know what its like to be on a seemingly never ending road to our destination.
To the left is my soon to be 3 year old daughter. She looks so cute and we even named her Angel. God bless my dear friend Stephany for enduring allot of this time in the cab of the truck with my screaming child

In addition to that Steph's son age 6 was right nest to Angel and the two fought like brother and sister and it was then I realised what my brother and I must've put our parents through on the road.

In the end on the way home she was only happy if she could by up front with mom and dad. chowing down on Cheetos.

FINALLY on the last two hours home...

Monday, July 5, 2010


I wish I got better sleep than I do. It has been many years I have been battling a sleep disorder. Probably just about 8 years. This causes me to be rather grumpy from time to time and also causes me to be a tad on the slow side when it comes to math. I have to say I was glad to see the Not so blog was giving away a pillows. I thought that i would go check it out. There I saw they had a variety of products geared to help one sleep better from Memory Foam Mattresses to mattress toppers that some even scented with Green tea like the 2" caress top!
Now if you go over to Sleep Joy you can see for yourself all the great sleep products they have. If you go to the not so blog you can enter to win a pillow! Good luck :) Visit here for the giveaway~

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I love to read to my children. It is a gift that a mother can give her child that will last a lifetime. One must have good reading skills in order to learn much of anything. I am currently working on my GED and the 4 out of the 5 tests are all dependent on my ability to read and comprehend.
I was excited to learn about the newest device from Vtech. The Vtech Reader has a variety on interactive stories you can enjoy with your children and many of the stories are free. There is an interactive globe and reading comprehension games look like allot of fun!
This has been said to be the Kindle for kids. I am going to do me best to keep all my readers updated on all the sites offering this product in a giveaway along with reviews from a variety of bloggers!
Enter to Win one here~
The Not so blogs Experimental Mommy
Jolly Mom
Mamas Money Savers
Two of a kind working on a full house
J. leigh designz

Monday, June 28, 2010

Slix Giveaway

I never thought I would be writing about men's underwear, but here I am calling attention to the ever so sexy Slix at The Experimental Mommy. I like the way my husband looks in boxer briefs! They are said to be extremely comfortable and breathable and one fella even boasted about the wearability of Slix in hot weather. I'm not  guy, but I can imagine humidity becoming problematic from time to time.
There are some great things to be said about this product and you can read the whole review over at The Experimental Mommy and enter to win the giveaway too.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Kung Zhu Giveaway

I recall when the Zhu Zhu Pets hit the local toy store. By Christmas the Zhu Zhu pet was at the top of every child's wish list as they flew off the shelves and started showing up all over cyberspace as the hottest new toy trend. My son was begging to have one and his dad shuttered. He remarked that this was a toy for girls and he did not want Steven to have one. I took the opportunity to go get my son a few he could keep at moms house and his dad could just deal with it. We are separated for a reason his dad and I. We have various different views on endless issues I wont get into now as it would only not pertain to the point. lol and I have been known to go on endlessly about issues...
MY POINT is I was thrilled when I went over to Robins blog mark it with a b and discovered the super cute Kung Zhu Nijas!!I love that these toys are all boy and my son would love it. In fact I think my little girl would even get a kick out of watching these little guys chase after each other!

The best part is you can WIN the following:
2 Special Forces Zhu Zhu Hamsters
2 Battle Armour Sets
2 Traps {1 Hammer and 1 Missile}
1 Giant Battle Arena

Head on over to mark it with a b to get in on this cool giveaway and read the review!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I love to don my flip flops on a daily basis. they are easy to slip on on the way out the door and just as easy to slip off under the table where ever I may be. I was pleased to find a lovely giveaway over at The Not So BlogYay! Flip Flops! These are actually at called  feelgoodz and are biodegradable flip flops made in Thailand from natural rubber! How neat is that? They look like they are pretty well made and 3 percent of the profits are donated to three different charities that will either directly or indirectly help by improving living conditions and business opportunities!!! Sweet!
Head on over to The not so blog to enter to win a pair for yourself or go directly to Feelgoodz and buy a pair! Good luck and good day!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Drugs. they are a big part of who I was and no longer who I am. I no longer identify with people on the streets. I can to an extent, but I quickly remind myself of who I am and how much hard work it took to get myself to the point where I am today..troubles come and i remind myself that I am human and make mistakes. just because I'm clean doesn't give me the right to judge another. I'm implying here what I feel about myself in the world. I no longer chill with junkies and criminals. I stay at home and tend to the family and attend afternoon classes as i work towards an education. I tend to doubt myself and my abilities as a parent. I wonder how a person like myself could ever be blessed with such an amazing child like Angel. My precious 2 year old whom I live and would die for.
This is her a year ago. I just love this picture so much! She is a handful but all worth it. I sometimes wonder if I'm going to wake up from this dream and find myself strung out and sick in a smokey old motel room. Alone and broken...
Here I am a mother, a wife and a daughter. I want to excel in all the areas as i try so hard to make up for all I took from those whom I love. I took years that were supposed to be joyful and turned them into nightmares for my poor mother. My oldest son Steven...that is a deep wound lets not even go there as that's a whole new post...
I like writing here because  figure a good present of the people reading this are pretty much normies that never really got hooked on tar heroin or meth. I do, however think we have all been touched my addiction in one form or another. Be it an Aunt or Uncle, sister, brother or even a parent. Anyway, I just love reading about you all and the info I gain from several of the blogs i follow gets put to good use as i have a pretty dull social life that affords me little time with other moms. I keep my guard up anymore. I have to because those I DO associate with in The Program live compromised lifestyles themselves. Well, ya..these are my kids Steven and Angel

Step Into Summer Blog Party

I am so excited that the weather here in Oregon is finally getting better. For weeks on end we had rainfall and wind that left my poor hubby depressed and talking about moving to California where the sun shined brightly. We decided on a whim to load up the F150 and take a road trip to the sunshine. I was able to get plenty of Vitamin D during our visit although any dermatologist would cringe at my sun kissed shoulders.
We are now home and it seems as if the sun has followed us home. It is still cold here o the Southern Oregon Coast, but at least my little garden is getting much needed rays of light to grow and flourish in...
SUMMER TIME means summer inspired giveaways in the land of blog!!  I happen to know Go Graham Go and Jolly Mom will be hosting several sizzling hot reviews and giveaways. I would get on over there to take advantage of any extra entire opportunities! I think its gonna be a great line up:)
As for summer here on the coast I am shure we will be getting our summer here late as usual. Summer here tends to fall in August and the weather is pretty mellow so that's no pun intended.
I have to go I'm starting to sound stupid...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

CHANNELLOCK Tool Giveaway~

I found a great daddy giveaway here on The not so Blog featuring CHANNELLOCK BLUE® TOOLS! The tools look well made and I know hubby could use them around our new house often. Tools are an investment if you ask me and you get what you pay for. Here are some facts about the line of tools offered at Channellock~
~CHANNELLOCK® uses high carbon steel for superior performance on the job.
~The right angle, laser heat-treated teeth on our Tongue and Groove pliers grip better, and last longer.
~The Laser heat-treated cutting edges last longer.
~CHANNELLOCK BLUE® grips are designed for durability and comfort on the job.
~Only CHANNELLOCK uses a knife and anvil style cutting edge to ensure perfect mating and superior cutting edge life on our cutting pliers.
The product sounds great and I hope you go check out the whole line at Channellock and read the review on The Experimental Mommy where you ca also enter the giveaway to win a tool set for the dad or husband in your life! :)

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I'm a mental!!

I will openly admit...i still take drugs and I hate it. I take Lexapro and as of today I have been prescribed SeroquelXR for a serous sleeping disorder primarily caused by bipolar disorder. I can ask myself if it was the drugs in the past that caused me to HAVE TO take the pills i take today OR I can say was it the mental illness that drew me to the lure of self sedation as a teen. As i teen i took part in a variety of activities that suggested something was terribly wrong. Self harm and drug abuse primarily. I remember allot of isolation and pounding the dark lyrics of Marilyn Manson into my brain with headphones.
This is much like witch came first...the chicken or the egg..?
I am certainly irrational at times questioning my ability as a parent, wife and daughter. I doubt my ability to get the education i need to be able to give my family the lifestyle we all want. I trudge along and live one day to the next wishing to GOD there was some way to fix whats broken. I am broken.
Then there are days all is going amazing well and I'm flying through math class jumping one hurdle to the next. I am able to do my writing with ease and writers block is yesterdays news. I'm happy to say I'm feeling better and the light shins in through the darkness...
Then it all comes crashing down. the combination of medication is not working and once again I'm unable to sleep or i wake up at 4am. I dread the day of lucid existence ahead of me and keep on swimming.
I hope this new medication works. I need to feel better. I have well over a year clean and I just want to feel rested and refreshed. I want to go get in a good workout at the gym, get back to school and meetings.
We will see. I do hope I sleep tonight...

Friday, May 28, 2010

Wilton Giveaway

Here is a great opportunity to win the complete line of UltraGold Bakeware from Wilton! Wilton has been considered as the leading brand in bakeware and cake decorating for 80 years now. I went over to the website and there is a wealth of information on cake decorating, party ideas and of course a lovely variety of bakeware that will last a lifetime.

Just head on over to Wilton and do a little exploring for yourself or WIN your own set by entering the giveaway at Two of a kind working on a full house!
Best of luck to you and happy baking!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Keurig Giveaway

Great giveaway going on at My Wee View for a Keurig Coffee Brewer AND k 4 boxes of K cups!!! How killer is that??? I have been over at longing for my own Coffee Brewer so I could expearence all the yummy looking K Cups in a varity of flavors and styles!
Head on over to My Wee View and enter yo win one of your own! I did!

Canvas Print Giveaway

I have probably mentioned before we are new home owners. This being said we have yet to put up any paintings or wall decor of any kind. There is so much that still needs done and it is in fact sad. When I saw the opportunity to get my paws on my own Canvas Print from Canvas Press. This is a company that will bring life to your pictures. The company guarantees you will LOVE the finished product.

I especially like the variety of  Wall Collages offered and would love to get one for above the sofa in the living room. I think I would choose a picture of one of the many fishing trips my father and husband have enjoyed together. They get some amazing pictures out there!

If you want to check it out for yourself head on over to Canvas Press or better yet read the review written by Mom of 2 Boys Wife of 1 and enter to WIN your own 16 x 20 canvas print with an ARV of $140.


Sunday, May 23, 2010

Great Giveaway from Shop Bedding

Great giveaway at Closet of Free Samples where you can win yourself some lovely satin bed sheets. I don't know about you, but i could use these this summer when the weather gets warmer. Although I am fortunate enough to live on the Southern Oregon Coast, there are days that it gets pretty dang warm and being the cool coastal town it is, Coos Bay homes are not equipped with air conditioners. No one I know anyway.
I love the variety of bedding offered by Shop Bedding and the Down Alternative 100% Cotton Pillow with 180 Thread-Count would be a definite must if your expecting company this summer.
I encourage you to go check out Shop Bedding for yourself and see if you don't come across something you would like to get for yourself or a loved one, or you could WIN a Satin sheet set in your choice of color by heading over to Closet Of Free Samples and entering the giveaway!!
Thanks for your time and have a great day!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Paula dean cookware Giveaway

I need new cookware, how about you? Just the other day I had to toss our large frying pan in the trash can because the no stick surface on the bottom was worn off from prior uses dating back to when my husband was still a bachelor! So as you may have guessed i was happy to see   3 kids and us  was hosting a giveaway from CSN Stores  featuring a new line of Paula Dean Cookware! Now for starters I love Paule Dean as she knows how to bring out the good ol southern cooking and I love to just hear her talk with that lovely southern accent of hers. It is so soothing and motherly:)
Now you can head over here to enter the giveaway!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Gratitude Today

There is so much I have been writing lately about drugs, insanity and destruction I have decided to go ahead and talk about my life today ant that is far less depressing and much more G rated if you ask me...well perhaps PG because there are still monsters. I watched "where the wild things are" with my 2 year old and its rated PG so I suppose I have monsters I still battle
Anyhow I am happy to say I have over a year clean and life today is good. I hear the heater running in the next room (we have one of those Amish Stoves) my daughter is snug in her bed and daddy snug in his and the house is so quiet. I like when its this quiet.

And on she goes

Life went on without much meaning until I was arrested on a warrant and booked in Marion County Jail. The date was October 17 2001 and I was 22 years old. That would be the last day I wold ever do a fix of heroin and the last day I would ever see my then husband.
Detox was hell on earth and I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to please not let me ever use heroin again. I did not want to go through the detox process again. on the 5th day of my incarceration I was taken to Douglas county jail where my warrant was. On my transfer papers i noticed the date October 22, 2001. Nikki had been dead a year to this date.
I felt a chill go through me and was not all dew to the detox.
I was whisked away to Roseburg Oregon where I would find God and get baptised in a big metal trough. The series of events that followed were nothing short of extraordinary. Like I said I never again used the drug that was certain to take my life if I continued. The haunting memory of the detox that nearly killed me at 19 flooded my dreams. I nearly died from dehydration as i dry heaved convulsions shook my 98lb body. The doctor at the hospital told my parents my liver was in the process of shutting down along with my kidneys and other organs.
After finding God in a Jail Cell I vowed to change my life once released. I would separate from my husband and move into my parents home. Go to church every week and read Gods word daily.
I was released after 60 days and I had my health back and light had returned to my eyes where there once was none. I moved in with my parents as planned and everything was going wonderful until i got that phone call. It was James my husband and he told me of a friend of ours who had gotten out of prison. James said there was a place for us and lots of money. He also said there was plenty of heroin and my addict won over and my once strong will to survive departed my being.
Breaking the news to my parents was the hardest. they cried and i too cried. they drove me to the bus station where we exchanged hugs and more tears. My dad said I was always welcome home but somehow he knew this would be the last time he would see me alive once i made this final trip to Salem. It is so crazy how the addicts mind works let me tell ya. I put them through so much and I am nothing short of 100% aware that I put them both through hell. I was selfish, self absorbed without taking into consideration what they must felt seeing me descend into the disease that nearly took my life.
Anyhow I will write more soon. sorry this is taking so long to get out. My life a huge mes. or at least the past is. I feel like I should get it out there so my readers know who i am and i can get a better idea who i could have been had I gotten educated and perhaps learned how to spell.
I love to write. it is a passion of mine. I hope to someday get a book out once i get into some good classes at the college. I think i may major in nursing...well time for another kind of post. something less heavy...

Monday, May 17, 2010

Two of a kind, working on a full house: Scrubbing Bubbles Extend-A-Clean "Minimize Morning Madness" Gift Basket Review And Giveaway

I just wanted to put it out there that "Two of a kind working on a full house" is having a supper cool giveaway featuring one of my favorite cleaning product lines "scrubbing Bubbles" Apparently the company saw fit to accommodate us mothers that like to multi task! The winner will even be able to jot down ideas IN THE SHOWER...check it out  here and do Check out the scrubbing bubbles web page too!

Monday, April 26, 2010

So here I am in this guys condo i barley know and he is in Hawaii many states away and i am about to get busted for my first possession charge that was most likely land me in prison. tears began to burn my tired eyes and i dared to look an the officer. He reached his gloved hand into the drawer and slowly slid a stack of papers from its contents. I heard clearly the sound of something sliding off the stack of washed checks. clang, clang, clang, clang. 4 loaded syringes full of tar heroin fell to the bottom of the wooden drawer. my body tensed up as my heart began to race and pound in my chest. I could feel the beads of sweat burning my scabbed face.
That's when the eyes of the good Lord shown through that detectives cool gaze as he held up the stack of papers. "here is what we came for, now hook her up" he said to the officer with him. "did you get everything in that dresser?" his partner asked "ya, now cuff her and lets go get her booked to home base" he replied avoiding my grateful glance of shock.
What followed was the whirlwind of booking at the Marion County Corrections. I was finger printed, my mug shot was taken as well as all scars marks and tattoos. the normal drill. I know I was going to be extremely ill for a long time dew to the heroin withdraw and I was. I did a 3 months and was given probation. Adult probation. I don't know why that officer did what he did but he kept me from having drug charges. To this day I have none and plan to keep it that way.
The following years with my ex husband....were might I say the craziest years of my life. I got real strung out and OD'd several times. I got busted at the airport with drugs and swallowed them all causing me to go into a drug induced coma that I had to get shot up with Narcan at the hospital to bring me back.
I went to Hawaii and got hooked on Ice, came home only to see heroin take the life of my best friend Nikki. I was told she was in the hospital on a gurney when her room mate saw me in the ER trying to score the very drug she combined with heroin to OD. Klonipin.
I don't want to ever relive the moment I was told she was dead. i ended up in a mental hospital and stayed there about 3 months. they had to give me methadone to detox because it nearly killed me coming off heroin i was so thin...
that's about it for tonight. I am emotionally shot. It is so hard to write about all this as it is not only shameful, but i go back to that dark smokey place. that place of cement walls cold as ice and helpless battles with the disease of addiction only one who has lived it could possibly understand.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Two of a kind, working on a full house: Splash Away With The Little Tikes Anchors Away Pirate Ship Water Play Table Review And Giveaway

Such a cool giveaway from such a reputable company at that.
This would be perfect for indoor or out door fun allthough I must say it would be an outside tou for my 2 year old. What kid dosent love to play with water?
You can win one for your littly one by clicking the link below!
Good luck!

Two of a kind, working on a full house: Splash Away With The Little Tikes Anchors Away Pirate Ship Water Play Table Review And Giveaway: "WIN a @LittleTikes Anchors Away Pirate Ship Water Table during #OutdoorOasis @twoofakind"

Monday, April 5, 2010

back to childhood

sometimes I wish i could go back to my childhood. the days when we lived on 727 meadow lane and the summer time would evoke me with sweet smells of freshly cut grass ans wet dirt from my mother watering the roses. the taste of garden tomatos and sound of my brother and I splashing in the pool. to think about those days brought tears to my eyes many times as i knew they were gone forever and I would never get them back again. they were gone with the wasted years that followed

Sunday, April 4, 2010


The following years were filled with more drugs and older men. more trips to JDH and finally at 18 I was off probation and free to do as I wish. I moved out of my brothers where I had been livibg for many years as I was kicked out of my parents house. I met a man 20 years older and moved in with him. He was fresh from prison foe importation of drugs into the states. He had done many years in federal prison and picked up the trade of being an HVAC tech. He had a full time job at a place called Jet Heating and this job offered to fly him to Hawaii for a job. Trip, place to live and predeum all offered. I was to stay and watch over his apartment and he would send me rent, food money and cash to feed my habit while he was gone. I was thrilled to have a sugar daddy that actualy worked and kept me high around the clock. He had a habbit too and was ready to kick it after he landed in Hawaii. We had been togeather about 3 months when he left. We said our goodbuys and got loaded togeather for his last time for 3 months. He walked out the door and I got on the phome with our drug dealer and he arived an hour later.
Things fell apart all around me after the drug dealer moved in. He got me higher than Terry ever could afford. I sat there high on heroin and smokeing meth all day. I let the condo go to shit. People moved in and I would use the dresser to hold the bedroom door shut as I was so paranoied people were going to come in the room and see my condition. I looked like death. scabs covered my body, track marks were all over my arms and neck, my eyer darted around wiledly and I had gotted a few new absesses.
I would let the dealer in and a couple close friends once in a while but thats all.
The day came when my worst fear came true and the police showed up with a warrent. Dealer was gone. Just Tommy (terrys cousin) was there and his wife. The police marched directly up to my room. like they knew where everything was. I had 10 filly loaded needles in my top drawr allong with an aray of checks I still had intended to wash. I had a stack of credit cards in the bathroom. I panicked and stood there with just a jersey on and nothing else. My skinny brused legs and arms exposed.
I jearked about and was instructed to sit on the bed and I did. The officers began the small talk by asking me how I had been. I was well known by the police. it seemed I allways got busted by the same set of cops. I was being investigated I later discovered. The older officer that had known me since I was 14 began looking throught the room. He began explaining he was there for "paper work" and wanted to know where it all was. I knew where it was. in the top drawr. where all the heroin was. where my meth pipe was. I panicked more. The other officer began drilling me about the whereabouts of all the biggest dealers in Salem and I claimed to not know. I lied. I had known these people 5 years. I was not breaking the code...then the officer slid open the top heart dropped

Friday, March 26, 2010

Defect Junkie

So I got one year of sobriety on March 22. Yay I had my doubts in the beginning, but worked hard to get this milestone.
I began at 11 with cigs, 13 with booze and pot, 14 meth, 15 IV heroin and meth and even some LSD that tripped me out so bad I hated it, but still took it from time to time in hopes it would be different. Is than not the great hope of every addict? To use in moderation and control every aspect of our lives? The opposite happened for me. My life rapidly swirled out of control. I got strung out on coke and crack at 16. Got expelled and sent to a school for criminal children per request from my PO. All this time I am a daily heroin/meth addict, heavy pot smoker and drinking allot, but drugs were my thing. I liked tripping on mushrooms and popping pain pills and benzos.
I was a trash can. my arms were covered in track marks, eyes sunken with dark circles. my skin was pail and my body looked like a skeleton with skin stretched over it.
Man days spent in JDH taught me allot. I learned how to be a better criminal and how to cut myself to elevate pain. I loved the feeling of self harm.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Ladybugs and Tonka Trucks: Threadless Tee's Giveaway!#comment-form

My son Steven is 6 and he is such a goof ball. the silliest things come out of his mouth and some of his art is a great expression of that. I think Sponge bob and some of the other wacky cartoons contribute, but his personality is surley his own
After visiting the sponsor of the latest giveaway over at Lady Bugs and Tonka Trucks I found the tee shirt store that carrys tees that will allow him to literly wear his personality on a when i saw the prices i was even more pleased...
Enter to win one or go check out the tee's yourself...

Ladybugs and Tonka Trucks: Threadless Tee's Giveaway!#comment-form

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Two of a kind, working on a full house: $50 Godiva Chocolates Gift Card Giveaway

out of ideas on what to get your lover this year for valentines day? Godive Chocolates never fail. ya cant go wrong here so try to win some by going to the link below. Additionally check our for great discounts on all the online dealers you probally allready go to anyway. They give online discounts to places like Walmart, Sephoria, Macys and TONS MORE so copy and paste and visit the below link for this GREAT GODIVEA GIVEAWAY!!!

Two of a kind, working on a full house: $50 Godiva Chocolates Gift Card Giveaway


Monday, February 1, 2010

A working blogging mommy: Carolina Pad review and giveaway

Check out this great giveaway..i just love the collections offered by Carolina Pad. 2 people have the chance to win a lovely gift collection from the company thanks to our lovely hostess Working Blogging Mommy!

A working blogging mommy: Carolina Pad review and giveaway

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Friday, January 22, 2010


I was asked to review a wonderful product that has been around for as far back as I can remember. We have all seen the dark colored juice in store coolers for some time, but until recently i never gave much thought to the amazing health benefits of POM WONDERFUL 100% Pomegranate Juice.
To begin with I love the tart flavor of the juice and the burst of energy I get after drinking it is far more healthy then the line of energy drinks out there and its 100% natural so there is no chemical induced crash at the end. The cute little bottle packs a punch of health benefits and for my husband to say he likes it means so much because he is so anti health food! He has requested we keep it in the house and I will honor that as I try so hard to get this man to eat a healthy diet. Heart disease runs in both our families witch is why I was delighted to discover all the super heart health benefits of this product!

Did you know that the POM product is backed by $32 million in medical research? Guess what they discovered? You know that glass of wine a day doctors recommend? POM WONDERFUL kicks it up a notch as having a higher potency of antioxidants then red wine and comes out way ahead of other juices including grape and Alci juice!
Copy the following link to your browser to see the comparison for yourself!
What are the health benefits specifically? Well to begin with the it benefits your cardiovascular health. Studies have proven even people which current heart health issues showed increase blood flow to the heart after consuming the juice for 3 months.
I always say its cheaper to deal with health issues BEFORE they become an issue. POM WONDERFUL has also proven to be of great benefit to men in particular as it aids in prostate health and erectile function.

You should go check out the site and learn about all the studies that have been done on POM WONDERFUL!
Copy this to your browser to see for yourself.

I was sent pom wonderful to review and was not paid anything for this review!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Lifestyle Change! (ZUMBA STYLE)

Talk about a compleat change in lifestyle going on here in Lynn Land. I have been working out allot and to watch the pounds fall off and feel the increaced enegery is so rewarding. I love how I have been better able to keep up with my toddler and messy husband. I am sleeping better and my body is just functioning better as a whole.
I got to thinking...if my blood just sits stagnent in my body all say my heart simply pumping it through my veins, its no wonder i feel so lathargic all the time! Sheesh!
I took up a new excersize/dance class at the gym a week ago and it is called Zumba. The instructors were once big girls like myself and in a matter of months have literly transformed there bodys in to tight little vessels that move in ways I can only hope to manipulate my own hips to follow. They inspire me so much because we have a "brag board" all the class members post pictures of themselves on "before zumba" and I too will soon be joining with my own picture from a cookie party I went to this year.
I remember in the years I was useing meth/heroin I got down to a sickly 113lbs and resembled a skelton with skin streched over it. No tone, pail and dark circles under my hallow eyes. I am now 204 and btw im 5'8 so the 113 looked bad on me and so dose the 204 so we must find a happy weight. I am thinking of 130. To be realistic 140.
When I started working out I was 210. yikes. thats the weight of my first full term pregnancy!
So Im going to explaine a little of what Zumba is. It is a mix of dance, latin dance, belly dance and we turn off the lights and turn on the lighting system so its like the real dance floor with fans and lattin/reggi music, rap and some modern pop. Its just so cool and its fun when you see the weight come off.
Have you ever heard about zumba?
Check it out at

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Two of a kind, working on a full house: Savannah Jack's Review And Giveaway

Here is a great giveaway you can get in on! its from
and they are giveing away a GC!

Two of a kind, working on a full house: Savannah Jack's Review And Giveaway

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

the last day with the Mother in LAW

She leaves in the morning. my husband and I are both ready and if it was not for his daughter who lives with grandma 10 days would be too long.
according to the MIL my life is insane and she could never live it! I don't make my bed as soon as I get out of it nor do I fold the "wash" as soon as it's done. During my daughters potty training I have allowed her to run about the house with no underwear on because she is just peeing in her pull ups or panties. I don't serve up dinner every night on time. sometimes its an hour late. I should vacuum every day, but I do not. This is all part of what "runns her nuts"...
lets not even get into how i parent because I don't want to swear and I would.
I am just going to be glad to have my house back.i hope i make it

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Win Chiken Soup For the Soul: Devoational stories for Women

I need to be spending more time with the Lord who had the biggest role in my recovery. It seems like I get everything back and I forget about God and just go on about my life not giving Him the glory. I am, by far not Religious yet I love Jesus and desire a walk with him in my day to day life, but its a constant struggle to not vear off on the wrong path. By wrong path I do not mean drugs...I simply mean not leading a lifestyle that will produce spiritual fruit.
I think it would help to spend time with HIM in Devoations daily. To not hop on the computer first thing when I wake up, but rather curl up on the couch for a few moments with God and I think I found a good way to start.
Messages from Melissa is having a nice little giveaway sponsored by the people who have warmed our hearts for many years "chicken soup for the soul" Just copy & Paste the following into your browser
you can enter to win a copy for yourself or just head over to Amazon for $10.17 by popping this link into your browser

if you would like to read up on Chicken Soup for the Soul head over to the main website here
and check it out.
As always I need to learn how to take links and turn them into clickable words
for example if i could say click *here* for the info you could click on the *here* and get to the site. go to Melissa's site and check it out.